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Letters from afar DO build desire and always have, but only AFTER real passion from real-life encounters has already been established between a man and woman, NOT as a cowardly substitute way of creating that passion in the first place (by ducking your shame).

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***QUESTION***

Hi David,

After nearly 40 years on this planet, I had figured that the world consists of two types of men: those who have constant success with women and those who suck at it. I was in the latter category. After changing jobs from a company with thousands of employees and several activities clubs, social events, etc. to a company less than five employees, my social life went down the tubes. Reading your material gave me the confidence to find women anywhere: the park, the bank, the supermarket, the gym. I have never been happier. After studying your analysis of "attraction" versus "seduction," it all clicked for me.

Anyway, here's my issue: I have no problem approaching women who are alone and don't fear the rejection if I'm blown off. However, when women are with others, I hesitate to approach them. Just recently, I spotted a really hot babe (9+) having lunch with a female friend (4 1/2) at a cafe. I really wanted to ask the 9 for her number. But what do I do? I could easily start a conversation with both of them, but when it comes time for the email address/phone number, do I ask both of them or just the one I'm interested in? I feel awkward not asking one woman for her number. She might think, "What's wrong with me?" But if I do ask her for her number, I'll never call her, which isn't too cool either.

JK Pasadena, CA

» MY COMMENTS:

Well, there are a couple of schools of thought when it comes to this topic.

I know a guy who is AMAZING at approaching groups of people, and targeting one particular woman in that group.

He uses a combination of animated storytelling, magic, and other interesting techniques to win the approval of everyone in the group, then move to the woman he wants to meet.

I also know guys who will walk up to a group of people, or a couple of women, and directly approach the woman that they're interested in.

At the risk of sounding like I want to talk to your inner child, my gut tells me that your problem is different.

It sounds to me like you have some unconscious or belief issues around other's opinions and what they mean to you.

Look, if a woman who is VERY attractive is walking down the street with her good friend who is very UNattractive, then you can bet your last dollar that:

1) The attractive woman has been approached by a lot of men right in front of her unattractive friend.

2) The unattractive friend knows how to deal with it.

3) If you keep wasting time coming up with reasons to NOT talk to the hottie, you're going to have a CURIOUS DRY FEELING between your legs for longer than you need to.

Look, get over it. You're going to live. Go talk to the babe, and get her number. It's OK.

Just quit talking like you care so much about what other people will think if you talk to a hot woman.

Don't make me come down there and bitch-slap the Wuss out of you!

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